Debate Annoying Family Members like a Pro This Holiday Season
This holiday season we all can count on a few things to mark the occasion. Families will gather, turkey will be served, and perhaps most dependable of all, arguments will erupt. At least one person always seems to be at the table鈥攍et鈥檚 call him 鈥淯ncle Schlub鈥濃�攚ho, after a glass of wine or two (or four), starts pontificating about a topic that is better left alone, particularly when large carving utensils are close at hand.
If you have ever relished the idea of putting Uncle Schlub in his place, or at least getting him to come around to an opinion other than his own, then you are in luck. , senior lecturer in communications studies and director of 菠萝视频鈥檚 , has a few tips for you.
Named the SEC Debate Director of the Year in 2011, Sandoz has coached 菠萝视频鈥檚 team to recent national championships in all three debate divisions (novice, junior varsity and varsity). She also is the winner of the 2012鈥�13 Chancellor鈥檚 Cup, which is given annually to a faculty member for 鈥渢he greatest contribution outside the classroom to undergraduate student鈥揻aculty relationships.鈥�
So, when Uncle Schlub next gets on his soapbox, follow the advice below and embrace the essence of debate鈥斺�渢wo minds meeting and moving to a greater understanding together,鈥� as Sandoz puts it. Or, if that鈥檚 too much to ask, just take pleasure in skewering the poor sap鈥攚ith your newfound debating skills, that is.
1. Start on common ground.
鈥淔igure out where you and your opponent both stand on the topic,鈥� Sandoz says. 鈥淎t some point along the way, there鈥檚 an assumption that one of you has but the other doesn鈥檛. That should be the focal point of your debate鈥攚here the divergence occurs.鈥�
2. Ask questions and listen.
鈥淥nce you鈥檝e decided to engage, it鈥檚 important to get your opponent to clarify his position,鈥� she says. 鈥淵ou should ask questions and then paraphrase back what you鈥檙e hearing. He might not be able to articulate his position as well as he thinks he can, and you could chalk up a small victory in the process.鈥�
3. Pick your battles.
鈥淣ot every argument is important,鈥� Sandoz says. 鈥淥ften a debate will consist of multiple smaller arguments, some of which you can concede. You don鈥檛 have to win every point in order to win the debate.鈥�
4. Remain civil.
鈥淎void statements or behaviors that increase the level of defensiveness in your opponent, and also try to control your own level of defensiveness,鈥� she says. 鈥淔or instance, you wouldn鈥檛 want to address your crazy uncle as 鈥榗razy.鈥欌��
5. Accept limits.
鈥淢ost people don鈥檛 change drastically because of a single conversation or a single debate,鈥� she says. 鈥淵ou may wish that your crazy uncle would really see the world your way, but it鈥檚 probably not going to happen. And if it does happen, it鈥檚 going to happen in small steps.鈥�
TEXT BY SETH ROBERTSON
ILLUSTRATION BY NATE WILLIAMS